Translator: Let4, Renkun27
Several female students were outside the classroom, leaning on the door frame as they looked inside. They pushed one another noisily and occasionally let out a sharp and clear laughter.
“Where‘s Zhi Li seated?”
“Call for him.”
“Why didn’t you call for him? He‘s turning this way. Quick, look!”
Unconvinced, Chu Haoyu took out a mirror. “My looks isn’t half bad. How come no girls are chasing after me?”
Ke Bu wrote down in his book the remaining notes from the last lesson. “Having the looks is useless now. You belong to that category where you’ll get dumped by those girls after two days of getting together.”
“Hey, fancy that you could stay calm having such a popular boyfriend. Other than us, no one else in school knows that you guys are dating. Because we often hang out as a group, it stayed obscure. Some even thought that Zhi Li‘s together with Youyan or Xinhe. After all, one is constantly by his side, while the other one is familiar with his lunch box.”
“This is where you guys come in handy; otherwise, what’s your use? Of course, the lesser the people know about this matter, the better. Having people pointing their fingers behind your back and staring at you with a weird look isn’t the life that I want.”
“It’s true that it’s gonna be quite troublesome if people finds out about this, but you guys will still have to deal with your parents in the future. This is the price, isn’t it?” It was rare that Chu Haoyu was this serious, so Ke Bu stopped writing and looked up. “I know. When it’s time to face it, I won’t run.”
“Are you scared?”
“If I said no, will you believe me?” Ke Bu only needed to think of his parents’ faces after the revelation to feel depressed.
It is not easy to accept your own child’s homosexuality. What do parents ask for in this life?
When the child is still little, they would hope that the child would grow up healthy. After the child grows up, they would worry about their child’s education and hope that their child would be able to enter a good school. After the child gets admitted in school, they then worry about employment. Subsequently, when their child starts working, the parents would begin to worry about their child’s marriage, marital problems, and having children of their own. Only when everything would fall into place could they rest their anxious hearts. The word “parents” is a great word. They spend their whole life focusing on their children. But now, Ke Bu could not reciprocate these feelings: he could not marry a woman and he could not have a complete family. Furthermore, he could not give Zhi Li a child.
“Do you feel that the price is too high?” Chu Haoyu continued asking.
“High and low price needs to be compared to know. If I’ll be with you, then the price would be way too costly. But if it’s with Zhi Li, I always feel that the price won’t be a problem.”
“I wanna spit on you.” Chu Haoyu placed his hands behind his head and returned to his seat. When the girls outside the door called for Zhi Li, Ke Bu did not feel anything, but the mechanical pencil’s lead in his hand was pressed against the book until it snapped.
In gym class, Zhi Li had just finished playing basketball. The girls surrounded him and handed over some water and a towel. Zhi Li took the water and looked at the girl, causing her to smile sweetly. Ke Bu clearly knew that there was no profound meaning behind this. That was just how Zhi Li was. He accepted the water simply because he was thirsty. Deep down in him, Ke Bu knew this better than anyone else, but this sour feeling made it feel like someone had rubbed and stuffed in a rotten lemon in his body. His face revealed an unperturbed expression as he looked away.
After gym class, Ke Bu washed his face. His morning class was finally over. He headed for the school building by himself and pushed open the door. Su Youyan was reading a book inside. Ke Bu dragged a stool and sat next to Su Youyan. For some reason, being next to Su Youyan gave him a sense of peace and quiet even though she did not say anything.
“Youyan, do you wanna touch me?” Ke Bu suddenly said. Su Youyan looked up indifferently. She elbowed Ke Bu in the abdomen which made him groan in pain. Ke Bu covered his belly and shouted, “I’m just kidding!!”
“Don’t give me that kind of joke. I don’t care whether it’s you or Zhi Li. I have no interest in this aspect. I’m not a pedophile.” This was such a heavy blow on a guy’s self-esteem.
“I wouldn’t have asked you if you were interested. How repulsive.” Ke Bu grabbed the table with both hands and shook it.
“What kind of irritable feeling is this? It’s unfair. Why is it only me who feels this way? It’s so unfair.” Ke Bu became childish as the sour lemon in his body produced a side effect. Su Youyan looked at him as if he was a madman, then dragged her stool two steps away. Ke Bu extended his pleading hands.
“Why does he have to be liked by girls? He even had a very gentle appearance. He accepted the water that they gave him and even walked together with them. Why? Hurry up and touch me, then go and tell him about it. Let that guy have a taste of what it feels like to be jealous.”
Su Youyan stared at Ke Bu who was in the middle of going berserk. He suddenly exploded like a cumulative bomb. “So you’re just being jealous.”
“Wha, what, I’m not.”
“Just tell him properly. What good is it by telling me?”
“I‘m not jealous. Listen to me!!” The exposed Ke Bu was a little embarrassed and flustered. He grabbed Su Youyan’s wrist. “I’m telling you to touch me.” Su Youyan tried to retract her hand while Ke Bu tried with force to lift her hand up with both of his hands. It was such an embarrassing scene. What the hell was happening?
“Hurry up and touch me.”
“Touch me, touch me, touch meeee, Youyan!!! Toouuuuch meeee!” It seemed that he had lost his rationality. Zhi Li was leaning behind the door with his hands folded, staring expressionlessly at them. “What are you guys up to?” As his voice reached Ke Bu, the rationality he had lost returned to his brain at once. The current scene showed Ke Bu clutching Su Youyan’s hand and they were situated not too far from him. At first, Ke Bu only wanted Youyan to touch his shoulder or something, but then he shouted like an idiot to force Youyan to touch him. He gulped hard and rigidly turned his head. “This, this is.” Su youyan withdrew her hand and stood up. She walked toward Zhi Li and patted his shoulder. She calmly said, “Relax, I won’t do you wrong.” She spoke her part then left.
The irony of this statement was so strong that Ke Bu felt like he had been shot in the chest.
“Haha! I was just messing around with Youyan.” Ke Bu touched his head. Zhi Li shrugged. “I didn’t say anything.”
All of a sudden, Ke Bu was dumbfounded. His hands fell down. Was it only him who acted like an idiot, who felt restless, and who was jealous? “You don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind.” Zhi Li answered directly. Ke Bu suddenly felt his heart getting squeezed. He pushed Zhi Li aside and ran out.
“Hey, Ke Bu.” Zhi Li reached out to grab Ke Bu, but he slipped past him. As Ke Bu frantically rushed down the stairs, he accidentally turned his foot and he fell on the steps. A female student who was passing by saw this, so she knelt down and asked, “Schoolmate, are you alright?”
“I’m fine. it seems like I tripped on my foot.”
“Let me help you get to the infirmary.” Just when the female student reached out her hand, she was suddenly blocked by a hand from behind Ke Bu. Zhi Li frowned at the girl and after that, he picked Ke Bu up. Ke Bu struggled. “Hey, this princess style carrying is too weird. Put me down.”
“Shut up. Or do you want that girl to help you?” There was gloominess in Zhi Li’s tone. Ke Bu was slightly stumped. Could this mean that he was jealous? Ke Bu curled his lips. “There’s nothing wrong with her. She only wanted to help me.”
“You’re too overbearing!”
“Other than me, no one else is allowed to touch you, understand?”
“I asked, do you understand?”
“Just now with Youyan, didn’t you say you don’t mind?”
“Youyan’s an exception.” So, what he did not mind was this. Personally, Ke Bu would not get jealous of Youyan because of Zhi Li and certainly, Zhi Li would not think that there was anything between him and Youyan. Youyan’s existence between the two of them was no longer that of a girl. As for what she was, Ke Bu could not really tell.
“Zhi Li, I’m giving you an exchange condition.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“Moving forward, I won’t let anyone else touch me, but in exchange, you can’t be too intimate with those girls who like you.”
“Intimate?” He really was unaware.
“Receiving water‘s also not allowed.”
“But I was very thirsty.”
“Then bear with it.”
“You’re not qualified to say this to me!!” In his arms, Ke Bu could feel Zhi Li’s heartbeat. The scent of his detergent blurred out Zhi Li’s pure face as a pinkish blush dyed Ke Bu’s cheeks and his breathing hastened. “Strange, why does this still feel like a first love.” Zhi Li stopped and lowered his head. “Like first love?”
“Your first love is me, right?” This sentence was not a question, but an affirmation. Fancy how he chose these ambiguous words at such a time. All he ever did was give a description.
“Your first love is me, right?” Zhi Li asked again. Why does he have to answer this difficult question? Seeing how Ke Bu refused to answer, Zhi Li said flatly, “It seems that I’d better throw you down.”
“You’re too ruthless.”
Zhi Li spoke no more. He faced the staircase and raised his hands. The Ke Bu in his arms was scared witless so that he clutched at Zhi Li’s clothes.
“You‘d really toss me! I’ll say it. I’ll say it. It’s you. It’s always been you. First love, childhood love, teenage love, grown-up love, twilight-years love. They’re all you!!”