Author: Dong Mi
Yan Fei felt that he was going crazy.
He walked to the company and entered after he opened the front door with his employee card.
There was no soul in sight inside the dark room. It was quiet and only the sound of his breathing could be heard. On the contrary, this was a relief for him.
He did not want to face anyone in this difficult situation.
“Damn it.” He vaguely cursed and lied down on the available sofa. The blanket that was usually placed deep in the drawer came in handy at the moment. Even if it was not warm enough, it was sufficient.
Tonight was a very bad night for him.
Thinking of Jimmy, Yan Fei also tried his best to let the new interns search for information for his vacation abroad. He chose the itinerary which Jimmy might like the most and asked Pinky book tickets. Then he would take Jimmy to an elite luxurious restaurant for dinner, with the thoughts of making up with him.
However, the plan could not keep up with the changes.
Jimmy grabbed Yan Fei’s phone and dialed his Mother’s number, before Yan Fei could even tell him about the tickets he booked or the invitation to ‘Let’s travel together.’ He was forced to come out of the closet without any mental preparation.
At the thought of the time he had spent afterwards explaining to his Mother that it was just a joke, Yan Fei felt exhausted all over.
Why are you so obsessed about having a status?
Yan Fei did not understand. Was it not enough if two people felt happy together? Why did they have to announce to the world that they were a couple? He recalled his Mother constantly asking for reassurance from him with suspicion and anger over the phone. In contrast with Jimmy’s grievances, Yan Fei just felt so tired.
Obviously, we had endured this for four years. Why did you become so obsessed with having a status?
Could you be more considerate to me?
Yan Fei sighed deeply, then he covered his eyes with his arms. He fell asleep without taking a shower, so he was sticky because of the sweat that had dried up.
“As long as you’re still living in there, I won’t take a single step into that house again!”
Jimmy turned on the lights in the house and faced the silence of the room. He knew that Yan Fei’s ‘Declaration of not going home’ was serious.
Feeling dejected, Jimmy went to sit on the sofa. He sniffled softly and with great difficulty, he resisted to let his tears fall.
He did not know why Yan Fei did not understand how important this most basic problem that existed between them was. It was not that they did not love each other anymore or they did not match at all; rather, the problem was the fact that they were being secretive about their relationship and the sense of uncertainty about them being able to be together properly that had made Jimmy unable to see a bright future for them.
Yan Fei’s definition of love and relationship was simple: just be happy together.
Jimmy sometimes thought, what’s the difference between them and a one-night stand?
Their colleagues and friends knew about their relationship, but they could not go through this barrier called ‘family.’ Until when should they maintain this state that was uncertain and hidden behind closed doors? Moreover, he was not a child. In the past four years, there had been the slightest amount of actions that he had seen from Yan Sui to improve this state, and with each passing day, he was only getting hysterical.
Honestly speaking, when he heard Yan Fei say ‘Let’s start over again,’ he thought that Yan Fei thought the same as he did, those annoying blind date photos could no longer appear, and he could go back together with Yan Fei to celebrate New Year…
However, it turned out that what he had in mind was not always the same as what Yan Fei thinks.
Yan Fei was only thinking about getting back together, and through the use of this trip, he could make the two of them get back to the beginning, but this cycle was not what Jimmy wanted.
What Yan Fei only wanted was ‘present’.
And what Jimmy wanted was care—care from someone who would love to include him in his future.
He lifted his face up and looked around the home that he had decorated himself, which had the warm tone and ingenuous details that he liked. What was important was that Jimmy was thinking about Yan Fei. He thought about how to build this home if he felt like living with Yan Fei.
When did they get through such a difficult time?
The peace of mind that he needed was obviously not what Yan Fei wanted and could offer to himself.
Where are you?
You really won’t come back?
Can’t you talk?
No one picked up the phone and no message was read.
His fingers that were busy typing finally slowed down. Jimmy suddenly felt like an idiot.
As he laid back, Jimmy wrapped himself up in the darkness of the night on the sofa. His mind went back to that night, several years ago, when he first met Yan Fei in the night market. At that time, obviously, the situation was not like this. Why did they become more and more different when they were really together?
He pondered over it for a long time, but he did not find an answer.
There were no message alerts on the phone in his hand, whether it was from Yan Fei or someone else.